RWBY - Red and Blue
by Jay The Mack
Summary: The Safety of Remnants future lies partially in the hands of the students of Beacon Academy. Unfortunately, a few of the new students are just... Awful. Rated T for aggressive profanity and NSFW references.


Over the Emerald Forest, a Bullhead airship was cruising towards its destination - Beacon Academy. Its cargo? Dozens of wide-eyed students, ready to prove their worth as hunters so that they may protect humanity from the ever-looming threat of the Grimm. Two of those students were looking out of the of the starboard observation window, in silence. The larger of the two boys appeared to be lost in deep thought, looking towards the ground at nothing in particular with a pensive expression upon his face. Eventually, he seemed to tire of the silence and opened his mouth to speak.

"Hey Simmons?"

The smartly-dressed redhead standing beside him turned away from viewing the forest below and looked inquisitively at his frie… acquaintance. "Yeah Grif?"

"...You ever wonder why we're here?"

Simmons gave his acquaintance an incredulous look. "Why would I?"

Grif was visibly confused by his answer. "Whaddya mean 'why'?"

Simmons rolled his eyes. "What's there to think about? We can't exactly take a boat to Beacon, the forest is too dense to drive through-"

"No dumbass, I didn't mean why are we on an airship, I meant… why are we on this planet? Who created us? Were we created at all? Are we just the products of some cosmic coincidence or are there really Gods watching everything? Do they have a plan for us other than to be killed by remorseless monsters? Do they care about us? What's the point of it all?" Grif questioned, his voice weighed down by doubt, confusion and pain. He placed his hand on the window of the Bullhead and sighed.

Simmons looked surprised - Grif wasn't one to express many emotions outside of boredom and relaxed contentment. The most intense he ever got was an occasional controller broken in frustration after getting his ass kicked on Hunter's Call. "Yeesh, who took a crap in your cereal?"

Grif turned to him, irritation visible on his face at how little his not-friend seemed to care about his emotional turmoil. "No-one but you dickburger. Seriously, don't you think about stuff like this? About the meaning of life?"

Simmons brushed off the crass insult Grif threw out as routinely as empty pizza boxes and shrugged. "Not really. I mean, that's why we're hunters right? To kill Grimm before they kill people? That's kind of our purpose, if you think about it"

Grif considered his words for a second. "I guess. Probably shouldn't have tried to talk philosophy with the straightest edge on the planet. Have you ever even tried to mellow out, smoke some cheap pot, listen to Indie Rock and just think about it all?"

"Hey, maybe these depressing thoughts are your brain's way of telling you to stick to your training and study instead of laying around in your bunk for the entire day, stuffing your ever-fattening face with cheap potato chips while cutting all the articles out of your Playguy mags so you can throw them in the trash!" Simmons said, giving Grif a dirty look.

Grif gave Simmons a dirty look back. "First off, I'll have you know that I spend no

more than 14 and a half hours in bed, usually it's not even more than 13. Secondly I do train -"

"Playing Hunter's Call is **Not** proper training, Grif" Simmons stated.

"It is a very realistic portrayal of combat techniques used by actual hunters, I'll have you know" Grif replied.

Simmons scoffed. "Oh, so all hunters dual-wield automatic pistols with knives in them?"

Grif simply turned his head and pointed towards a sullen-looking guy spinning and doing tricks with his two automatic pistols with knives in them to the rapturous cheering and applause of his audience of… one. A short orange-haired girl with some kind of oversized hammer on her back.

Simmons hadn't bought a word-of-the-day calendar for this year but apparently today's word would've been coincidence.

"Fine, smartass, you got a lucky pick, that's still one guy out of an entire ship of students".

"I'm seeing some guys on the portside holding what looks the level 75 unlocks-"

"THAT'S NOT EVEN THE POINT OF WHAT I WAS SAYING!" Simmons screamed, completely fed up with his friequaintance. "My point is that you need to take your education seriously. Hell," he continued in a whisper,"you wouldn't even be here if it weren't for me"

"Ooh, lemme guess, a lil bit of answer copying?"

A new voice interjected. Both Simmons and Grif turned to face it and saw a blue-eyed blonde boy standing so close to them that they were baffled as to how they didn't notice him before.

The boy chuckled and whispered back "Don't worry guys, your secret is safe with me!", before stumbling over to a nearby potted plant and upchucking his lunch.

Grif and Simmons were forced to observe for what was about 10 seconds but felt like 1000 centuries of agony and torment. Even when they turned their heads back towards the window they could still hear it, even after they gave up any semblance of politeness and rammed their fingers in their ears.

Eventually, the boy wobbled back over to them and asked "Either of you two have a tissue? Air sickness can be a real pain sometimes"

Simmons just groaned and searched around in a coat pocket for a moment. He pulled a rolled-up tissue out and placed it the boys hand. The boy unfurled the tissue to find a small white pill.

"Go to the bathroom, clean yourself up and take that with a mouthful of water before you end up spewing on something that can kick your ass", he instructed in a hushed whisper.

As the boy went off to the bathroom, Simmons groaned again.

"Well, our first day at Beacon is getting off to a terrible start".

Grif turned around to witness two girls engaged in a major league freakout over slowly-trickling vomit starting to pool up around their shoes. "Eh, could be worse"

"C'mon man, that's a cop-out answer and you know it-"

"Well what did you think I was gonna say, Tucker! Number 1, she's my Girlfriend, Number 2, she can kick my ass!"

"So if I wasn't within earshot I wouldn't be the hottest girl on this ship?"

Church emitted a groan worthy of an ancient Nevermore. Dealing with Tucker and Tex at the same time was a mental toll he simply wasn't capable of dealing with today. "Tex, you're hot as hell, Tucker, you're dumb as dogshit, now leave me alone before my brain starts leaking out of my goddamn nose"

"Fine, Jackass" Tucker retorted, running his hand through his curly black hair and exaggeratedly sighing. "I'm gonna slide my way over to that fiiiiiine piece a' booty over there!"

Church felt a nice wave of relief wash over him as Tucker strolled over to a super tanned girl in a yellow hoodie and super-duper shorty-shorts. _Let someone else take the brunt of his asininity for a change_, he thought to himself. _I fucking deserve it_.

"So who is the hottest?" _Oh yeah, _Church remembered, _I still have my crazy, easily angered girlfriend to deal with_.

"Tex, I wasn't lying. You're beautiful"

"And that part about 'She's my girlfriend and can kick my ass?'"

"That's because any explanation of female beauty outside of ass and tits goes a mile over his dickbrain"

Church hadn't noticed, but Tex was slowly moving towards him, so he was a tad surprised when she wrapped her toned arms around his neck. "So explain it to me then, dumbass"

Church swallowed. Physically, it was just some saliva. Metaphorically, it was his fears. "Well, I'd have to say its, well, your whole body, but um, uh, like, your muscles, cuz you're really well toned without being, yknow, roided out or anything, and I like a girl who's strong and… shit"

"Mhmm?" She cocked an eyebrow upward.

"And you've that really smartass smirk WHICHILIKE aaaand your eyes are huge and a really nice shade of blue and I know I said it wasn't all about boobs and ass but those are nice too….?"

_Oh real fuckin' smooth, Casanova. _If it was possible to sigh internally, Church would be letting off a huge one right now.

Tex kept her grasp on him and turned him to the right. "Ok, so what about her?" She asked, pointing to the busty, long-haired blonde chattering near them.

"The one choking Red Lolita to death? What about her?"

She looks a lot like me, don't she? Same height, similar build, Blonde, big eyes, bigger smile. What makes me hotter than her?"

Church let out what felt like his millionth groan for today. "What do you want me to tell you here, I don't know her! I'm judging people, not cars or some shit! I like you because well… you're you"

Tex turned him back to face her. "Y'know what, _Leonard.. "_

_This is it_, he thought. _I knew I was gonna go out like a punk, just thought I'd make it to Beacon first at least._ He closed his eyes, accepting his inevitable fate.

"You're really godsdamn corny sometimes" Church opened his eyes and saw that his girlfriend was smirking and giggling at him instead of ripping his freshly-removed spleen in two and forcing it down his nostrils.

He chuckled and retaliated with a respectably smug smirk of his own. "Yeah, and you can be a total bitch sometimes. Guess we're the perfect fucking odd couple"

"Yeah" she replied in an almost-whisper, "I guess we are" She tilted her head and started to lean in towards him.

It took Church poor, abused mind a second or two to understand what this meant. _Oh yeah, making out_. He mirrored her actions slowly, they were in no rush after all.

"**Ew Gross, you have puke on your shoe!"**

Unfortunately, their (relatively) tender moment was broken by a high-pitched distraction. It appeared Blonde and Busty got literally caught up in some poor unfortunates air sickness.

"You wanna continue this in a less pukey area of the ship?" Church suggested.

"Sounds like a plan" Tex responded, her smirk having mellowed into a more traditional smile. They joined hands and moved opposite to the direction of the screaming and vomit. Church wasn't paying too much attention, but he swore he heard Tucker bemoaning the destruction of his 300 Lien Air Phyrras.

And that just made him feel swell.


End file.
